Scary Mommy Thoughts

Since I’ve been a mom, so many thoughts have come into my head. So many emotions have flooded my heart. These thoughts and emotions can be good, bad, and even scary sometimes. And these bad thoughts…every mother has them. They’re never talked about because no one wants people to look at them like they’re a bad mother. While I was pregnant, I wish someone would’ve told me these thoughts were normal to have after your kiddo gets here. These thoughts come into the heads of mothers, but they’re never really talked about. The good news: it’s NORMAL!

“Sometimes, I just want to pack my bags, run away, and never come back.”

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. My baby and husband are my world, and I couldn’t ever live without them. However, this was one of the thoughts I had while still adjusting to motherhood. It’s hard, and it’s scary. But you get through it…eventually.

“I wish I’d never had kids, and that I never became a mom.”

Some days are rough. You want your old life back. You want to be alone with your husband without your baby interrupting. You want to be able to go to dinner and a movie without finding a sitter. You wish you didn’t have to deal with all the stress that comes with motherhood.

“Sometimes, I just want to strangle my baby.”

Those crying fits can get to you. Colic happens. Sometimes you just can’t please your child, though you’ve been trying for hours. You want to squeeze your kid, shake your kid, put a pillow over your kid’s face…at least, that thought comes to your mind. You just can’t take it anymore, and you would do anything to make it stop. Tantrums are stressful. These thoughts happen.

“I’m a terrible mother.”

Again, some days are just bad. You feel like you’ve failed as a mom. Nothing you do is good enough. People judge your parenting abilities and are quick to give you unsolicited advice. They love to tell you what you’re doing wrong, and you feel like you’ve failed.

“No one knows what I’m going though. I feel like I have no purpose.” 

When my daughter was born and we got home, I told my husband all the time that I felt like my only purpose was to be a milk machine for my baby. All I ever did was nurse her. I didn’t have a job. I didn’t do many chores around the house because I was so exhausted from taking care of a newborn all day. I felt like the only reason I had to live was to feed my baby. That was rough.

“I feel guilty for taking care of my baby and not giving my husband the same amount of time and attention as I did before we became parents.”

Your baby needs his/her mommy. Your husband needs his wife. Learning how to balance the two can be difficult and may make you feel a little guilty until you figure it out.

“I’m never having kids again.”

Whether it was during morning sickness, labor, or after going through the “terrible twos,” most moms have thought this. I said it with my head in the toilet while puking my guts up, and again after going through all the pain of childbirth. I was done.

The good news is that these thoughts are normal. It’s okay to feel like you belong in a psych ward. You’re not a bad mom for thinking this way. You don’t mean any of it, and we (fellow mothers) understand. We’ve all Felt that way before. As long as you don’t act on them, it’s completely normal. You love your kids more than anything in the world, and would do anything and everything for them. But motherhood is challenging. It’s stressful. It’s scary at times, which is why having other mommy friends is so important. But at the same time, motherhood is wonderful. It’s rewarding, and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

**This post was inspired my a conversation with my mommy friend, Alicia. Thank you for your friendship and encouragement.